Fear of Failure

Anyone else out there a perfectionist? I want to control every detail because I fear I won’t be good enough to be cared for otherwise. The child within me believes that if I’m perfect then I’ll be loved. The problem is in the process of perfection, there is no room for anyone else. I push people away left and right. I want them to do it my way, now. That pushes the candidates through the trap door in the floor (Fisher-Price Castle reference). “Well, then I’ll do it myself,” I say in a huff.

My favorite character on Desperate Housewives was Bree. Cleaning made her feel safe. Order was comforting. “Three little letters” as we say in our household; OCD.

I was far into that quadrant until my life got more complicated; we finally were fortunate enough to welcome a child into our home. So, the house is a mess. I still like to be organized, but I can’t find that beloved word under all the clutter. We eat, we sleep, we jumble our stuff. All right, neatness can wait…but my books and papers are in quite a disarray. I’ll let you know if that changes.

Do you feel organized? Is order or flexibility more important to you?

It’s Manic Monday, and that’s a good thing. –Rebecca

Sidewalk Chalk Art Photo: Rebecca Cuningham