Bipolar

Another 1 Bites the Dust

My therapist is quitting. Last week she phrased it as if I were “graduating” from therapy. Then she asked right away how I felt about it. I said I’d think about it and tell her the next time although I knew right away. How did I feel? Abandoned, thank you.

Now, we aren’t a perfect fit. She knows nothing about child development and hasn’t moved to correct that deficiency in the four years I’ve seen her. Being a parent is an important part of who I am. So, I found my answers on the internet like everyone else because she was of little help.

My sense of humor has defended and sustained me through difficult times. My “gallows humor” is a coping mechanism that has served me well. She discouraged me from using it to defend myself emotionally, yet she also had trouble with the result, more tears.

I tend to cry through almost every decision I make. It seems that made her nervous. I’d weep for five minutes and she wouldn’t say a word to comfort me. I mentioned that would be helpful and that I feel uncomfortable with her silence. No change.

I can’t help but think that she’s doing me a favor by setting me free.

I am not graduating from therapy now or in the future. I accept that as a person with bipolar, counseling is one of the fundamental supports to maintain my mental health, along with medication, exercise and friendship.

Time to begin a search for a new therapist. Today.

Have a healthy day and believe in yourself. –Rebecca

Clematis bud Photo: Rebecca Cuningham
Bipolar

Unforgivable Sins

This time of year I lose friends. Hiking boot in mouth syndrome. Waning sun, social anxiety, plus perfectionism equals disaster.

Awkwardness overflows

I huff and I puff

and I blow

that friendship

down.

Big emotions

uncautious words

Bata-bing

Bata-Boom!

Apology notes

gifts

nada

cannot recover

from unforgivable sin.

Could I get a pass

once a year

so my loose lips

don’t sink our ship?

I did not

want to

hurt you.

It’s my gecko

tongue

time of year.

Splat!

-Rebecca Cuningham 10/17/20

What’s your worst time of year?

It’s Manic Monday and that’s good news! Thanks for reading and commenting. -Rebecca

Red Leaved Maple Photo: Rebecca Cuningham
Bipolar

6 Health Care Stigma Solutions

A health exam can be a stressful time for someone with bipolar. In my experience, situations like a doctor’s office where my chart reveals my diagnosis can lead to prejudicial treatment at times. I’ll tell the bodily symptom of my complaint; and see a small smile play at the corner of the nurse or doctor’s lips.

You are now entering the Bipolar Zone.

Any story you tell is a break from reality

Any emotion is theater

Any confidence is self aggrandizement

It’s as if they have in ear buds and can’t hear you.

What to do?

1. Meditate before you go

2. Ask questions calmly as possible

3. Speak your truth

4. Bring a list of your questions/concerns

5. Bring a relative or close friend

6. Role play what you want to say beforehand with someone close to you

What is your experience with stigma? What advice would you give?

It’s Manic Monday and that’s good news! Thanks for reading and commenting. -Rebecca

 

 

Communication in Black and White Photo: Rebecca Cuningham
Bipolar, Mental Wellness

5 Favorite Mental Health Blogs

Mental wellness is a hot topic in the blogosphere. Here are my favorite sites that I read each week in order of how long I’ve followed them.

  1. It’s Good to Be Crazy Sometimes: Trina writes about her daily life in London, good days and bad. She generously hosts an excellent weekend share.
  2. Therapy Bits: Carol Anne is one of the sweetest bloggers you’ll ever meet. She has dissociative identity disorder and talks about her life’s ups and downs.
  3. Bipolar Barb: Barb blogs monthly, giving us an update on how she feels. She is honest and insightful.
  4. The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog: James Edgar Skye began his website to collaborate with other writers who have bipolar and to eradicate stigma. He strives to create community and a support system for people who are struggling.
  5. Cara’s Corner: This is a new site I’m reading. Cara struggles with bipolar and at times anorexia as well. She is thoughtful and gives good advice.

What are your favorite mental health websites?

It’s Manic Monday, and that’s a good thing. –Rebecca

Daffodils in the Afternoon Photo: Rebecca Cuningham
Bipolar, Mental Wellness

The Five Letter C Word

The way people have been talking, seems crazy has become a compliment.

That’s crazy good, taste it.

Have you seen Crazy Rich Asians yet?

That’s a crazy big SUV giving a ride to the whole team.

The C-Word has become the superlative of choice; replacing wicked, which replaced totally, which replaced far out. Which others do you remember?

Crazy has never felt so fine.

Maybe we should grab hold of the word and make it our own, while it has a positive spin.

What do you say?

It’s Manic Monday, and that’s a crazy good thing. -Rebecca